Chapter 9: The Weight of Light and Shadow

“And… what was the Salim District like?”

“It was dreadful.
A stench strong enough to make one’s nose twist, heavy stagnant air, and people crawling along the ground, emaciated to the bone.

There were no beggars.
There is no one to give alms.
I could do nothing but hide myself and remain still.”

Without even noticing that his first-person pronoun had shifted from “I” to “ore,” I held his gaze steadily.

My heart screamed at the story that made me want to cover my ears, yet I felt that this was something I needed to hear.

“A child came near me and stared silently.
He looked about five, though he may have been older.
He was so thin.

I happened to have an apple and gave it to him.
He took it and ran away.
But that was all I could do.

That apple only eased his hunger for a fleeting moment.
And only for one child.
There is so much more needed there.
So much more.

But at that time, I was utterly powerless.”

His words were spoken calmly and quietly, yet tears streamed naturally from my eyes.

“Many in the Salim District do not even have proper records of citizenship.
But they are undoubtedly citizens of this nation.

From that day on, I swore to dedicate my life to this country in the truest sense.
There should be no place within this nation where light does not reach.”

This person knows despair.

He knows his own powerlessness.

That is why he can remain so perfect.

That is why he strives to gain strength.

That is why he desires power.

He lowered his brows apologetically.

“I spoke too much.”

Then he gently lifted me in his arms and laid me back onto the bed.

“I am sorry for tiring you,” he said softly as he brushed my hair back.

“I will come again.”

And with that, he left.

I have felt countless regrets.

And yet I have accepted the present.

But now, a new regret weighs on me.

If only I still had that magic…

I specialize in water magic.
Surely I could have done something.
If I had cooperated with alchemists, perhaps we might have found a way to purify polluted water.

In the slums especially, problems of sanitation and water lead to disease and death.

Is that why His Highness chose me as his fiancée?
Seeking a partner in his efforts?

Now that I think about it, when our engagement was arranged at fourteen, he spoke to me of the Salim District several times.

What did I say in response?

I remember.

“Your Highness, please refrain from such uncouth topics.
Those who live in a different world are not people you need concern yourself with.”

I trampled upon his heart.
Again and again.

What expression had he worn when I said those things?

Though it is only speculation, perhaps since the age of ten he had often received such responses.

Did he eventually stop seeking understanding?

Instead, did he choose to elevate his own value and make others wish to lend their power to him?
To guide them subtly and carry out his plans?

All of this is merely conjecture.

He hides everything behind that smile of his, never revealing what truly matters.

He said I am someone who knows how to forgive.

But that is not true.

It is you, Your Highness…

You have forgiven me, who shattered your expectations so mercilessly.

It is not that I did not know.

I chose not to know.

I will learn.

It may already be too late.
Perhaps there is nothing I can do now that my magic is gone.

Even so, I want to learn.

As though gazing for sunlight hidden beyond heavy clouds, I remained silently staring out the window.