Chapter 8: About Your Papa

That night.

I was lying in bed together with Lowell, finished reading one picture book, and was just about to say, “Alright, time to sleep~,” and turn off the light.
That was when Lowell looked straight at my face with his deep blue eyes and said, “Hey, Mama.”

“Rowan’s papa, why isn’t he here?”

My heart skipped.
This was the first time Lowell had ever asked about his father.
I had known this moment would come someday, but it still caught me off guard.

At the church daycare, there were children from single-mother households, single-father households, and families with both parents.
He must have started to vaguely understand what a father was.
And perhaps our conversation earlier that day had stirred something in him.

How should I explain it to him.
I didn’t want to lie, if possible…

“Well, you see, Rowan, you do have a papa.
There are circumstances, so we can’t be together…”

When I said that hesitantly, Lowell’s face lit up brightly.

“Rowan’s papa!”

“…Do you want to hear more about Papa?”

“Yes!”

Lowell’s eyes sparkled.
Seeing that, I realized he might have been wondering about his father for quite some time already.
I just hadn’t noticed.

“Rowan’s papa is…”

I searched for my words slowly.

Adolphus Duer.
A young count and a general of the Royal Army.
And the man who had been my husband for only five days.

Even though I hadn’t seen him in three years, I could still picture him clearly.

“He’s a very strong knight, and such a cool person that everyone admires him.”

“Strong and cool!”

“Rowan’s hair color and eye color are totally different from Mama’s, right?
Your black hair and blue eyes are the same as Papa’s.”

“Same as Papa!”

Lowell kicked his feet excitedly under the blanket.
He looked so happy.

“You look a lot like Papa, Rowan, so when you grow up, you’ll definitely become super handsome.”

“Like Papa?”

“Yes, like Papa.”

Lowell really did look so much like Adolphus that I couldn’t help thinking, ‘This must be what Adolphus looked like as a boy.’
When he grew up, he was sure to become a spitting image of him.

On top of that, Lowell was a natural charmer.
He might end up even more popular than the stoic, blunt Adolphus.

As I thought that, I noticed I was smiling.
I must have been carried along by Lowell’s happiness.

“And you know, Rowan’s papa is a very kind person too.”

I remembered the first time I met Adolphus.

“When Mama was in trouble because she got her clothes dirty, he said ‘Here, please use this,’ and lent her a handkerchief…”

That had been when I was fifteen.

During a tea party with my half-sisters, tea was spilled on my dress, and as I was heading back alone to change, close to tears, a knight approached me and offered his handkerchief.
That knight was Adolphus, who was serving as a royal guard at the palace at the time.

I was so struck by his beauty that I froze for a moment, but then I felt embarrassed and ashamed that he had seen me in such a pathetic state.
Keeping my head lowered, I muttered “Thank you,” accepted the handkerchief, and fled back to my room.

That was all it was.
Just that one brief exchange.
He probably didn’t even remember it.

But for me, it was a precious memory.

While my half-sisters and the servants all pretended not to see anything, he was the only one who spoke to me.
I know it was simple-minded of me, but that had been enough for me to fall in love.

I never spoke to Adolphus again after that.
Soon after, he was reassigned to a unit tasked with subjugating magical beasts, and I stopped seeing him in the palace.

On rare occasions, I would spot him from afar at palace balls.
Each time, he looked more dignified and stronger, and my heart would flutter.
I would secretly feel relieved that he wasn’t accompanied by a particular partner, even as I watched him surrounded by glamorous noble ladies with a sense of resignation.

Now that I had regained my memories from my previous life, I thought I should have just gone and talked to him.
But back then, my self-esteem was low, and I was cowed by my terrible reputation.

I was afraid that if I approached the handsome Adolphus, people would point fingers and whisper, “Just like the rumors, that princess really is man-crazy.”

Even though I only ever watched him from afar, one of my sharp-eyed half-sisters noticed my feelings.
And during a rare gathering where the princes and princesses were chatting with our father, she made a joke of it and exposed me.

“Hey, did you know?
Rosalind is totally smitten with that Adolphus Duer.
Isn’t that right, Rosalind?”

“Oh my.
Rosalind does like handsome men, doesn’t she?”

“Adolphus Duer is certainly good-looking, but he’s just from a count’s family, isn’t he?
As a match for us princesses, that’s a bit…”

“Well, isn’t that about right for Rosalind?
She doesn’t have golden hair or holy magic.
She doesn’t have anything befitting a princess, after all.”

“That’s true.”

Mocking laughter filled the room.

I shrank back, unable to deny it, my face burning as I stared at the floor.
Watching that exchange, my father must have decided that a count’s house would suit his defective youngest daughter just fine.
Not long after, he ordered my engagement to Adolphus Duer.

Framed as a reward for Adolphus’s heroic achievements in subjugating magical beasts.

Because I fell in love with him, I ended up twisting his life.
I felt so guilty toward Adolphus that I couldn’t bring myself to look properly at his face during the wedding.

And yet, in my heart, I was overwhelmingly happy that I could marry the man I had admired for so long.

That was why.
This was the one thing I knew I had to make clear to Lowell.

I gently stroked the black hair he had inherited from his father and looked into his jewel-like blue eyes.

“Mama loved Papa very, very much.
That’s why Rowan was born.”

At that time, I truly did love Adolphus.
That much was undeniably true.

…Even if he had hated me in return.
That was something I could never tell Lowell.