Chapter 19: Separate Nights
Crying out in anguish, Rowena was slowlyâyet surelyâpushed into the sisterâs arms.
Her small body clung desperately to me, as if this parting were the end of the world.
Her tiny fingers grasped at the air, trying to catch the edge of my clothes.
(RowenaâŚ)
Say nothing more.
This is for the best. Harden your heart.
Without turning back, I walked toward the orphanage gate.
From behind me came Rowenaâs voiceless, heartbreaking sobs.
I could hear the sister saying something, but none of it registered.
I could also hear the confused voices of the children.
I stepped through the gate and onto the street, letting out a long breath.
The moment I was alone, a weight like lead pressed down on my chest.
Rowenaâs cries still echoed in my ears.
The sensation of her small hands trying to cling to me still lingered on my arm.
Guilt.
Loneliness.
And above all, doubtâwas this truly the right choice?
I had brought her to a safe place, to where responsible adults would care for her.
A place far from the dangers of travel.
A place that could offer her stability.
And yet, there was no sense of relief at all.
Instead, I felt as though I had been cast alone into a vast grassland.
In the end, had I simply run away from something troublesome?
Under the pretense of keeping her safe, had I only avoided becoming more deeply involved?
The questions circled endlessly in my mind.
No.
Someone like me couldnât keep her forever.
I was alone in this world.
I never knew when or where I might die.
I had been dismissed from the guard.
I had no steady work, only an aimless journey ahead.
A man this unstable had no right to raise a child.
The orphanage would be far better for her.
Yes.
This was the best choice.
As if trying to convince myself, I continued walking down the road we had once walked together.
The lively chatter of merchants and townsfolk felt strangely distant.
As I walked, memories of our journey surfaced.
Her frightened face when I found her in the forest.
Her delighted expression in her new clothes.
The way she ate baked sweets with such joy.
Her golden hair floating in the bath.
And the earnest look on her face when she tried to say my name.
It had been fun.
Honestly, there had been plenty of trouble.
But more than that, it had been fun.
But it was over now.
She was at the orphanage.
My journey would return to being a solitary one.
âŚSurely, I would get used to it soon.
Yes. Soon enough.
I looked up at the empty sky and lit a cigarette.
Purple smoke dissolved into the city air.
Night gently enveloped the city of Norest.
Rowena lay on a small bed in the orphanage, unable to sleep.
An unfamiliar place.
Strangers.
Everyone had been kind.
The sister.
The other children.
But Ed wasnât here.
The sister had said, âThis is your home now.â
âWe are your family.â
But for Rowena, this was no longer home.
Her family was only Ed.
She had cried so much that no sound would come.
Her chest hurt.
Ed had left her behind.
That gentle hand had let her go.
Why?
Why?
What Rowena feared most was losing Ed.
More than the darkness of the forest.
More than the kidnappers.
More than the drake.
He had been the light that rescued her from that terror.
And that light had left her.
The kind voices of the sister and the children did not reach her ears.
Only Edâs face remained burned into her mind.
As the night deepened, something stronger than sadness began to take root in her heart.
âŚI want to see Ed.
Iâll go find him.
She couldnât speak.
She barely knew this city, having spent only a few days here.
But it didnât matter.
Maybe Ed was somewhere nearby.
Maybe he was waiting for her.
Rowena quietly slipped out of bed.
Her new clothes.
Her small backpack and cloak.
She had once owned nothing.
Everything she had now was given to her by Ed.
That was her entire world.
The hallway was empty.
Careful not to make a sound, she headed toward the orphanage door.
She slowly lifted the bar from the door.
The sisters had never imagined a child would try to run away in the middle of the night.
Cold night air brushed against her skin.
She stepped beyond the gate and into the city.
The lively bustle of daytime was gone.
The streets were quiet.
Occasionally, she could hear the distant voices of patrolling guards or the slurred singing of a drunk.
Only the faint glow of lamps spilling from windows illuminated the road.
She didnât know where to go.
Where was Ed?
At the inn?
Or had he already left the city?
Anxiety crashed over her like waves.
It was dark.
It was frightening.
She was alone.
But Rowena did not stop.
She couldnât speak.
She couldnât ask anyone for help.
She knew no one in this city.
She had no sense of direction.
Only one powerful desire drove her small body forward.
To find Ed.
Her feet were cold.
Her stomach was empty.
But none of that mattered.
She wanted to see Ed.
Alone, Rowena began wandering through the night streets of Norest, searching for him.