Chapter 3: Reason Drowning in Desire

Even I think I’m acting like a monkey that’s just discovered something new.

I wake up in the morning.

The first thing I think about isn’t the work I need to do that day.

It’s what happened the previous night.

Leticia’s face.

Her voice.

The warmth of her body when I held her close.

Things like that fill my mind.

Only then do I come back to my senses and remind myself that I was supposed to be discussing plans with the craftsmen at the development site today.

At noon, I head to the site.

Along the way, I find myself wondering if this is becoming a serious problem.

Right now, several projects are moving forward simultaneously under my supervision.

Food-related improvements.

Carriage components.

Stable production of high-quality charcoal.

Weaving improvements.

Methods for managing spider silk.

I can’t deny that about half of them are driven by my personal interests.

But if they succeed, every one of them could bring significant profits to the territory.

By evening, I return to the castle.

Today, I tell myself that I’ll go to bed early.

I’ll clear my mind.

Avoid staying up late.

Get a proper night’s sleep.

From a rational standpoint, that’s clearly the correct choice.

Leticia has work of her own.

Even if caring for me is her highest priority, that isn’t her only responsibility.

There is plenty of work under the head maid’s supervision.

The women working in the castle are surprisingly busy.

And yet.

When I return to my room before bed, Leticia is there.

She adjusts the lighting so that it’s neither too bright nor too dim.

Then she smooths the wrinkles from the freshly prepared sheets with her fingertips.

The moment I see her back.

My reason becomes highly questionable.

Once it reaches this point, I’m finished.

I know it.

I know it, yet I can’t restrain myself.

What is this, anyway?

I honestly feel like I’ve become a monkey.

No, perhaps that’s insulting to monkeys.

They probably have a little more self-control than I do.

But not only does Leticia not dislike it, she gently accepts me.

If anything, the entire castle seems to be quietly encouraging it.

No one says anything outright.

Yet somehow the arrangements for evening baths are always perfectly timed.

Leticia’s schedule is subtly lightened the next morning.

The responsibility for preparing my room before bed somehow always falls to her.

Ah.

They’re doing it on purpose.

I realized that fairly quickly.

And once I noticed it, worrying about it started to feel ridiculous.

Why am I the only one trying to hold back?

As a result, I end up inviting Leticia to my bed almost every night.

This is the story of that month.

For the first few days, I honestly couldn’t settle down.

The day after our first night together.

The day after that.

And the day after that.

Even though I was aware of how excited I was, I couldn’t hide it completely.

There were times when I nearly missed important details while listening to craftsmen and had to hurriedly ask them to repeat themselves.

There were times when I almost smiled at completely inappropriate moments while reading documents and had to cover it with a cough.

Leticia appeared far calmer than I was.

Or rather, I couldn’t tell if she was actually calm.

But at the very least, she never let it show.

Whether she was helping me dress in the morning.

Preparing tea.

Or assisting with organizing records.

She was the same Leticia as always.

Her posture remained straight.

Her voice remained gentle.

Her movements remained efficient and graceful.

But occasionally.

For only an instant.

After our eyes met, her ears would turn red.

Or her hands would briefly stop moving.

That brief moment was enough.

It reminded me that what happened the previous night wasn’t a dream.

It had really happened.

And that realization filled me with a deep sense of satisfaction.

Then I found myself wanting to spend the entire day wrapped in that feeling.

Which was exactly the problem.

At breakfast, I worried far more than necessary about whether my expression was betraying me.

Father wasn’t at the table.

He was a busy man from the moment morning began.

My brothers weren’t around very often either.

Dal Brother, the eldest, was frequently assigned to forts near the border.

Ar Brother was responsible for managing one of the labyrinths within the territory.

The people at the table changed from day to day.

Even so, the servants were always watching.

If I sat there tearing apart bread with a foolish grin on my face, people would notice.

I needed to be careful.

At least, that’s what I told myself.

But the moment I caught sight of Leticia standing slightly behind the line of attendants, I became restless all over again.

No.

Calm down.

I chewed my bread while lecturing myself internally.

You were together just last night.

At least hold back tonight.

Yet by evening, that determination became surprisingly fragile.

The road to the development site lay beyond the cobblestone streets of the castle town.

Not too close to the castle.

Not too far from the city.

A convenient location for transporting goods and gathering workers.

Several wooden buildings stood there.

Behind them were storage areas for materials and simple furnaces.

It was essentially a secret base where I casually threw out ideas from my previous life while craftsmen alternated between frowning and being impressed as they tried to turn them into reality.

There, at least, I became somewhat more focused.

The smell of sawdust and charcoal.

The sound of heated metal.

The damp scent rising from steamed cocoon-like materials.

The sweat running down the craftsmen’s foreheads.

Being surrounded by those things switched part of my mind into work mode.

“Young Master, regarding the angle of this fitting…”

“It should be laid down a little more.”

“Otherwise the force escapes.”

“And what about this firing temperature?”

“Try changing the charcoal.”

“Yesterday’s batch burned too aggressively.”

I spoke.

I worked.

I inspected prototypes.

Half of it was a hobby.

I couldn’t deny that.

Reducing carriage vibrations.

Improving the consistency of baked goods.

Enjoying conveniences that had been commonplace in my previous life.

A great deal of personal desire was mixed into it.

But the other half was genuine profit.

The spider thread—what I insisted on calling silk—had started as a simple curiosity.

Now it was generating real income.

If the quality became stable, it could grow into an even larger business.

The same was true for high-quality charcoal.

For weaving improvements.

For carriage components.

One improvement after another would strengthen the territory.

I understood that.

If I produced results here, my position would become stronger.

I would remain not merely the third son.

But a useful third son.

And someday, it would become the foundation for accomplishing even greater things.

And yet.

“Young Master.”

A servant bowed at the entrance to the workshop.

“It may be time for you to return.”

Looking up, I saw that evening was approaching.

Time became difficult to track inside a windowless workshop.

But when it was time to leave, everyone unconsciously began moving in unison.

Their cleanup became more efficient.

Even the way they spoke to me carried a sense of wrapping things up.

“Right.”

I answered and washed my hands.

Cold water carried away the dirt from my fingers.

Soot and fine powder darkened the surface of the water.

And at that moment, I noticed another thought occupying part of my mind.

Would Leticia come tonight?

No.

She probably would.

For the past month, she had come almost every night to prepare my room before bed.

The moment I realized what I was thinking, I buried my face in my hands mentally.

Seriously.

That’s what you’re thinking about after work?

Well, of course I am.

I’m human.

Still, it’s pathetic.

I’m really a monkey.

That night, I returned to my room.

I bathed.

Changed clothes.

Reviewed my notes for a little while.

And organized the day’s work in my head.

Material inventory.

The next formulas to test.

The habits of individual craftsmen.

How polished something needed to be before showing it to merchants.

Up until that point, reason was still winning.

Then there were two knocks at the door.

“Come in.”

The moment I spoke, my voice dropped slightly.

Even I noticed it.

The person who entered was, as expected, Leticia.

“Excuse me.”

The same familiar voice.

The same graceful bow.

But that alone was more than enough for me.

Leticia silently walked toward the bed.

She adjusted the blankets and straightened the pillows.

Every time her long fingers moved across the fabric, her pale wrist caught the light.

The line flowing from her shoulders to her waist remained impossible to hide beneath her modest clothing.

Whenever she turned, the gentle curves of her chest swayed softly.

I had always known she was well-endowed.

Or at least, I thought I had.

But after holding her in my arms, I realized she had surpassed every expectation.

Apparently, Leticia was the type who looked slimmer in clothes.

While she appeared elegantly restrained when dressed, the real Leticia was, frankly, incredible.

I considered it completely unfair.

At least half the reason I nearly lost my reason every night was because of that.

No.

It might have been more than half.

In any case, watching Leticia prepare the bed caused warmth to gradually rise within me.

I knew it was a bad idea.

Work had been demanding today.

And Leticia had spent the entire day handling her own responsibilities before coming here.

Making her push herself wasn’t right.

Even if she looked fine, that didn’t mean she wasn’t tired.

She deserved some rest.

That’s what I thought.

And yet.

“Leticia.”

Before I realized it, I had already called her name.

“Yes, Young Master?”

She turned around.

The moment I saw her expression soften, I knew I was lost.

Holding back felt more foolish than giving in.

And so, that night as well, I took Leticia’s hand and drew her toward the bed.

Nights like that continued for about a month.

At first, every night carried a strange tension.

Was it all right to touch her the same way as before?

Had I done things correctly?

Was I forcing her?

Those concerns remained.

And while Leticia accepted me, traces of awkwardness still lingered within her.

But as the nights accumulated, that gradually changed.

We learned each other’s rhythm.

We learned where to relax.

When a few words could ease unnecessary tension.

Even something as simple as where to place a hand was completely different from the beginning.

It was almost fascinating.

Part of me had thought I might eventually grow accustomed to it.

Not that I’d had much experience in my previous life.

But anything became less exciting through repetition.

I understood that principle.

So somewhere deep down, I expected the initial excitement to fade and allow me to regain some composure.

The opposite happened.

The more time passed, the more familiar it became.

I learned expressions Leticia had never shown me before.

I learned the subtle changes in her voice.

I learned the way she breathed when saying my name.

I learned where she felt most comfortable resting her face when I held her close.

And the more I learned, the more I wanted.

I wanted more.

It was a terribly simple story.

Which was exactly why I kept calling myself a monkey.

For example, one night.

One day, I returned from the development site later than usual, my mind fairly exhausted.

I’d finished the final inspection of weaving samples that were to be shown to merchants first thing the next morning and spent hours discussing details with the craftsmen before returning.

I figured I’d take a bath and go straight to bed tonight.

That was the plan.

Then I returned to my room.

And Leticia was there.

That alone was enough.

No, it wasn’t enough.

It was where everything started.

“Welcome back, Young Master.”

“Yeah.”

I answered briefly.

Yet the cloth in Leticia’s hands stopped moving for just a moment.

That tiny pause felt strangely vivid.

“You were late today.”

“There were a few matters to handle inside the castle.”

“Don’t push yourself too hard.”

“Yes.”

That was all we said.

And yet that “yes” sounded unusually soft.

I was already lost.

The moment I thought that, my arm was around her back.

Leticia blinked in surprise for a moment.

Then she immediately relaxed.

As though accepting it, she leaned into me.

That was irresistible.

There were many nights like that over the course of that month.

Saying it happened almost every night wouldn’t be an exaggeration.

It was genuinely close to every night.

Even I thought something was wrong with me.

But Leticia seemed happy too.

At least, that’s how it looked to me.

At first, I wondered if she was simply forcing herself.

But as time passed, there were moments when she would close the distance herself or look up at me with a softness that was difficult to explain as mere loyalty.

Of course, Leticia was still Leticia.

A nearly flawless maid.

A woman who served me.

The daughter of an influential knightly family.

She rarely showed any signs of frivolity in public.

It was difficult to see any trace of the night in the Leticia who moved through the daytime castle.

But I had begun to notice things.

There were days when she took slightly more care arranging her hair before evening.

Days when she took one steadying breath before turning toward me after finishing the bed.

Moments when, instead of resisting, she lowered her eyelashes as though she had been waiting for me to reach out.

I had learned all of it.

And because I had, I became even more absorbed.

During the day, I occasionally thought about my brothers.

The two men who were rarely in the castle.

Dal Brother spent most of his time at the border forts.

The frontier with the Empire appeared peaceful, yet anything could happen at any time.

Troop deployments.

Supply routes.

The condition of nearby villages.

The training of knights.

As the eldest son and the face of the margrave family, that was where he belonged.

Ar Brother managed one of the territory’s labyrinths.

Labyrinths came in many forms, but the one under his supervision apparently produced valuable resources while also generating enough monsters that they couldn’t be ignored.

He managed adventurer traffic.

Oversaw materials and resources.

And led knights when situations required it.

People said his magical power was weak.

Yet he continued building achievements because his effort more than compensated for that weakness.

Both of them were working.

As nobles.

As sons of this house.

Whenever I thought about that, I became keenly aware of my own position.

I still hadn’t stepped out into the world as a fully established noble.

I had been granted a crest and recognized as an adult man within the family.

That was significant.

But it was still only recognition within the family.

If I compared it to my previous life, it was like receiving a job offer.

I had been accepted internally, but my actual place in society had yet to be determined.

Which meant I should really be accumulating more achievements.

I needed Father, my brothers, and the retainers to see me not as the interesting third son with unusual ideas, but as a noble who could genuinely contribute.

I understood that.

I really did.

And yet.

Once night came, that determination loosened with embarrassing ease.

Because Leticia was there.

It was a painfully simple reason.

But it was the truth.

One night, while watching Leticia quietly catch her breath on the bed, I found myself thinking about all of this.

The lamps had been turned down low.

The room was dark, though not enough to obscure everything.

The blanket was pulled up to her shoulders.

The pale skin visible above it stood out even in the dim light.

Her hair was slightly disheveled.

Her cheeks still seemed to hold traces of warmth.

I had always thought her chest was impressive.

And it still was.

It was a pathetic observation, but facts were facts.

Women who appeared slimmer in clothing were dangerous.

They looked elegant and restrained in public, yet concealed something devastating underneath.

Leticia was the perfect example.

And it wasn’t merely her appearance.

There was something uniquely comforting about holding her close.

Combined with her personality, she gave off an overwhelming sense of security.

She made me want to keep her by my side.

She made me want no one else to touch her.

It was at that moment that I clearly recognized the feeling growing within me.

Possessiveness.

A strong one.

At first, much of my happiness came from simply being with a woman who matched my preferences.

There was also the sense of release from desires I had carried over from my previous life.

But it wasn’t only that anymore.

I was completely captivated by Leticia.

And honestly, I had no desire to deny it.

If anything, I had reached the stage where I needed to decide what to do about it.

Leticia was the daughter of an influential knightly family.

She wasn’t just some maid.

She currently served me, yes.

But her bloodline and standing were entirely different from those of an ordinary commoner woman.

That was why I had hesitated to make a move in the beginning.

And why I still had no intention of treating her carelessly.

So what about the future?

A legal wife.

That would be difficult.

Even as the third son of a margrave family, I was still a nobleman.

I didn’t know what responsibilities I would eventually carry, but a primary wife would require a suitable family background.

That was especially true for a powerful house like the Mavarl family.

Leticia was capable.

Her lineage wasn’t poor.

But she was still the daughter of a knightly family.

That fact wouldn’t change.

It would be difficult.

Very difficult.

But a concubine was different.

That should be possible.

No.

It wasn’t a question of whether it was possible.

I would do it.

Absolutely.

The moment that thought crossed my mind, a surprisingly powerful emotion surged within me.

Giving Leticia to another man.

Impossible.

The mere thought made my stomach turn cold.

Marrying into another house?

Being held by another man?

Unacceptable.

Absolutely unacceptable.

Then I suddenly remembered something Leticia had once said.

Everything I am belongs to Young Master.

She had said it clearly when accepting my crest.

That moment had probably affected me more deeply than I realized.

She had said it herself.

Therefore, Leticia was mine.

At least, that was how I viewed it now.

Even if, by some impossible chance…

Even though I wanted to believe it could never happen…

If Leticia were ever to change her mind…

I felt like it wouldn’t matter anymore.

I knew it was selfish.

I knew that.

But I couldn’t stop myself.

I had no intention of letting her go.

I didn’t think I could.

That was how deeply I had become attached to her.

“Young Master.”

Leticia’s voice pulled me from my thoughts.

“What is it?”

“No… you seemed lost in thought.”

“…Ah.”

I gave a vague reply.

There was no way I could honestly tell her what I had been thinking.

Well, perhaps I could.

But saying, “I was trying to figure out how to make you my concubine and never let you go,” was difficult even in the lingering warmth of the night.

Leticia didn’t press the matter further.

Instead, she moved a little closer and rested her head against my shoulder.

That natural gesture filled me with happiness.

Could people really become like this in only a month?

Then again, perhaps the foundation had already existed.

We had known each other for years.

Her face.

Her voice.

Her scent.

Her presence.

All familiar since childhood.

Perhaps all that had happened was a slight change in form.

If viewed that way, maybe it was perfectly natural.

Even so, it was more than enough change for me.

In the quiet stillness of the night, I ran my fingers through Leticia’s hair.

Soft.

“Young Master?”

“No…”

I started to say it was nothing, then stopped.

“Would you be willing to become my concubine someday?”

The words slipped out before I could stop them.

Half of it was a joke.

The other half was completely serious.

Leticia’s body trembled slightly.

But she didn’t pull away in surprise.

“If that is what Young Master desires…”

A small voice.

That was all.

And yet it pierced deeply into my chest.

Of course.

Of course that’s what she’d say.

That’s exactly the kind of answer she’d give.

Loyal.

Devoted.

Always trying to fulfill my wishes.

That was Leticia.

And because of that, I realized more than ever that I needed achievements.

Maybe I could keep her close through feelings alone.

Maybe I could force things through within the family.

But if I wanted to keep her properly as my concubine, I needed justification worthy of it.

At the very least, I needed enough accomplishments that no one around me could complain.

Enough to outweigh a certain degree of recklessness.

I wanted Leticia as my concubine.

If that feeling was genuine, then simply drowning in pleasure every night wasn’t enough.

I needed to produce something more tangible.

Something everyone could understand.

As I held Leticia by the shoulder, those thoughts filled my mind.

Then Leticia raised herself slightly.

“Young Master.”

“Hm?”

“Weren’t you planning to leave early for the development site tomorrow morning?”

“Yeah.”

“A merchant is coming to inspect the samples.”

“Then please try not to stay up too late.”

Her voice sounded slightly troubled.

Yet gentle.

That wording almost made me laugh.

“You’re the one saying that?”

“…My apologies.”

“No.”

I didn’t want her to apologize.

That wasn’t it.

“I was thinking the same thing.”

“You were as well, Young Master?”

“I was.”

Our eyes met.

We shared a small smile.

Moments like this had become more common over the past month.

Conversations that went beyond simply giving orders and obeying them.

I was still a noble.

Leticia was still someone who served me.

That hadn’t changed.

Yet within those boundaries, a space that belonged only to us was gradually taking shape.

That made me happy.

At the same time, it felt dangerous.

But for now, that was fine.

The next morning.

The merchant’s expression changed the moment he saw the samples.

“This is… even higher quality than the ones you showed us before.”

“Because we’ve improved it.”

I replied as calmly as possible.

It took some effort to look as though there were no lingering thoughts from the previous night.

“If the supply becomes stable, this will move in large quantities.”

The merchant examined the edge of the cloth with his fingers and spoke as though holding his breath.

He had the look of someone calculating profits in his head.

Seeing that expression gave me a small sense of satisfaction.

The look people made when they smelled profit was remarkably easy to understand.

That hadn’t changed between my previous life and this one.

People could dress things up with grand ideals all they wanted.

In the end, they gravitated toward whatever benefited them.

Which meant I should be on the side creating those benefits.

Money.

Work.

Status.

It didn’t matter which.

A man who could provide such things found it easier to push through a little recklessness.

I’d need that power if I wanted to keep Leticia by my side forever.

The atmosphere at the development site was as lively as ever.

The weaving team argued with those managing the silk.

A craftsman working on carriage parts interrupted to offer his opinion.

The charcoal burners brought proposals for a new furnace.

I listened to all of it, sorting through each suggestion and deciding what should be done immediately and what could wait.

There was a great deal to do.

And part of me felt saved by that fact.

As long as I kept moving like this, I could avoid being a monkey during the day.

By evening.

By the time I returned to the castle, both my mind and body were reasonably tired.

Tonight, I’d simply go to sleep.

At least tonight.

That was what I thought as I walked through the hallway.

But by the time I reached my room, I already knew how unreliable that resolve was.

Leticia might be waiting beyond the door.

That thought alone made my heartbeat quicken slightly.

Pathetic.

But unavoidable.

I entered.

As expected, she was there.

In the middle of preparing the bed.

When she noticed me, she bowed quietly.

“Welcome back.”

“Yeah.”

I replied briefly.

I was tired.

That much was true.

But because I was tired, her presence felt even sweeter.

I thought about work.

About the territory.

About the future.

Yet even while doing so, my gaze kept drifting toward Leticia.

The arm lifting the blanket.

The movement of her waist as she bent forward.

The hair flowing down her back.

The feminine curves that remained impossible to hide even beneath her neatly arranged clothing.

Half exasperated with myself, I finally stood up.

I had repeated this same pattern countless times over the past month.

And yet I still couldn’t stop.

I probably wouldn’t be able to stop for a while longer.

In that case.

The least I could do was produce results during the day.

If I was going to drown at night, then I’d work harder than anyone else during daylight hours.

That was the only way to balance things.

I walked up behind Leticia.

Sensing my presence, her hands paused ever so slightly.

“Young Master?”

“…You came again today.”

“Yes.”

A short reply.

There was very little hesitation left in that answer now.

I placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Because of you, I feel like I’m really turning into a monkey.”

Half of it was a joke.

But after blinking in confusion, Leticia tilted her head slightly.

“A monkey?”

“You don’t need to understand.”

After saying that, I laughed a little.

Leticia’s lips softened into a smile as well.

That alone was enough to finish me.

How was I supposed to resist after seeing that expression?

I let out a quiet breath and took the blanket from her hands, setting it aside.

“Young Master?”

“That’s enough.”

Leticia’s eyes wavered slightly.

But she didn’t resist.

I took her hand.

And led her toward the bed she had just finished making.

Even though it was a movement we’d repeated countless times, my chest still burned with warmth.

A month had passed, yet it hadn’t faded in the slightest.

If anything, it had grown deeper.

And once again, the night wore on.

My reason still remained.

I hadn’t forgotten the territory.

Or my work.

Or the future.

I knew all of that.

And even knowing it, I still chose Leticia.

That was who I was now.

And because of that, I made a decision.

I wouldn’t let this end here.

I would never let Leticia go.

I would accumulate the achievements necessary to make that happen.

I’d even consider taking certain risks.

As I gazed at Leticia’s figure in the dim light upon the bed, I quietly made that vow.

I wouldn’t end as someone merely drowning in desire.

I would turn this passion into my next step forward.

Because if I didn’t, I really would end up as nothing more than a monkey.