Chapter 9: I Let Go of Those Feelings Long Ago

Perhaps because I had talked to Lowell about Adolphus, that night I dreamed of him for the first time in a while.
A dream of that happy wedding night.

In the dream, he was holding me tightly.
There was nothing between us, not even a single layer of thin fabric.
The pain of losing my virginity and the joy of being connected at the deepest level with the man I longed for mixed together, and tears welled at the corners of my eyes.
Each time he moved slowly, a rapturous sigh slipped from deep in my throat.
My head felt numb, and as I drifted back and forth between dream and waking, emotions I had sealed away tightly suddenly spilled out, mixed with my sweet voice.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”

He stopped moving.

“…Why are you apologizing?”

The low voice at my ear was gentler than I expected, loosening the lid on my heart even further.

“I’m sorry for falling in love with you…”

Through my blurred vision, I saw his deep blue eyes widen.

“You love me… is that what you said…?
Ah, really?
…No, even if it’s a lie meant only for this moment, I don’t care.
Please say it again.
With those lips…”

“I love you.
I love you…”

A tear spilled free and was licked away by his hot tongue.
A hoarse voice whispered at my ear.

“Call my name.
Adolphus.”

“Adolphus… Adolphus, I love you, I love you…!”

“…!
I love you too, Rosalind.
Even more than you do—far more…!”

He held me so tightly it almost hurt.
The motion that had stopped began again, growing more and more intense.

“I love you, I adore you, Rosalind.
Even if you hate me, I still…!”

My body was tossed about like a leaf caught in rough waves, and like a broken machine, I kept repeating, “I love you.”

“From now on, I will protect you…
I will protect you from all the malice in this world.
So please, Rosalind, stay forever in my arms…!”

Something especially hot surged through me like a wave.
As I accepted it with my whole body, my consciousness sank into a sea of happiness, as though drowning.

I jolted awake.
In the pale early-morning light, the familiar ceiling came into view.
When I looked beside me, Lowell’s innocent sleeping face was there, breathing softly.

‘Nnghyaaa—!
W-w-w-wait, I just had a lewd dream…!’

My face burned with embarrassment as I covered it with both hands and writhed silently.
Of course, I made sure not to wake Lowell.

Even after three years, I still dreamed of that night again and again.
And every time, I woke with a lingering happiness so bittersweet it made me want to cry.

…No, this wasn’t because I was sexually frustrated or overflowing with worldly desires.
It was simply because that was practically my only memory with Adolphus.
Yes.
That had to be it.

‘Still, that dream just now was a bit too much…’

Words like love, devotion, protection—lines I didn’t remember at all had been flying around everywhere.

‘Wait, no, does that mean it was my wishful thinking?
No, no, no.
It’s been three whole years since then, you know!?
I should have let go of any lingering feelings ages ago…!’

I had decided that the wicked wife should make her exit quickly.
And so, only five days after the wedding, I had left the Duer count’s house.
But it would be a lie to say I had felt no hesitation at all before making that decision.

After all, in my previous life, my hobby had been devouring web novels.
I had read countless stories about protagonists reincarnating as villains.
In fact, I knew that these days, the more standard route was for a reincarnated villain to turn things around and reach a happy ending.

So, just for a moment—just a tiny moment—I had thought about it.
If I didn’t act like a wicked wife, maybe there was a future where Adolphus and I could truly love each other as husband and wife.

But I decided to seal away that line of thought.

It wasn’t a lie to say I didn’t want to break up the original couple, or that I wanted to avoid execution.
But the biggest reason was that I had no confidence I could make Adolphus look my way.

After all, I was a defective, despised princess with no value as royalty.
Meanwhile, the heroine who would eventually appear in the story—Liliana—was an utterly wonderful girl.
Just like her name, she was delicate and pure like a lily.
True to her role as a downtrodden heroine, she was earnest and hardworking.
On top of that, Liliana possessed a special hidden talent due to certain circumstances, and that talent would bloom through the hero Adolphus’s love.

To imagine that I could be chosen over such a special being—the story’s heroine—
My self-esteem at the time was far too low for such a dream.

Three years had passed since then, and I thought I’d come to like myself a little more.
In this frontier town, there wasn’t a single person who knew of my bad reputation.
I had Dan and Hannah, who were like family to me.
And above all, I had Lowell.

‘Alright then.
Let’s do our best at work today too!’

Careful not to wake Lowell, I slipped quietly out of bed and quickly got dressed.
Sitting in front of the small vanity, I carefully brushed my red hair and tied it back into a ponytail.
As the final touch, I put on the only piece of jewelry I owned—the silver necklace.
The wedding ring threaded through it shone at my chest, just as it had three years ago.

‘It’s completely become a good-luck charm now…’

When I traveled from the royal capital to the frontier.
When I worked at the Licorice Diner for the first time.
And when Lowell was born.

I wore it all the time except when bathing or sleeping, to the point where I now felt unsettled without it.

‘Yes.
That’s all it is…’

It wasn’t because I still had feelings for Adolphus or anything like that.

‘I don’t.
I really don’t!’

I gently stroked the deep blue gemstone with my fingertips and tucked the ring back beneath my clothes.